deepu 的个人资料*`*~~aNd tHiS tOo sHaLl ...照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
|
11月29日 a differnet knid of experience...Free flowing hair, big sensual eyes, cute smile, fair a smart. She is not as tall as deepu, a little less. But a quite a few pounds larger than him. And you know he doesn’t like motti girls. In fact he thinks women look pretty and charming if they are slim..(maybe coz he is one, heheee) Of course, this lady wasn’t that obese, though chubby and not too far away from becoming an obese. She told him to lie down on a couch and came, sat near to him. She gently thrust her palm into his mouth. Felt around and said, deepu lets hav a clean up….go ahead he said..wot else could he have said? A few minutes gone…oops..!! where is deepu? Lost?!! Lost senses??**// NO sensation&^% ? he tried to speak, no words came out…pain? No..what s she doing? Goodness…!! OoPssss…. if you got a few drops of anesthesia injected into ur gum, you don’t expect to be in full senses, right? after all, given the restless nature of deepu his doc knew it was necessary, as a precautionary measure,… For deepu anyway it was the first experience of the sort..of senselessness.. for three hrs he had no mouth..ufff And the Doc was laughing all the while…. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to hve this thing injected into the whole body..na? yes, he told his doc about it..and she broke into another round of laughter…. Lady docs….all that glitters isn’t gold..ha? After paying the bill, Deepu’s purse felt as if it was robbed of everything n looked like a child from a poverty-stricken African country….poor thing!!!
 11月27日 Rang De Basanti!!Deepu had the loudest laughter in the hall. Of course he was thoroughly enjoying. Bahut maza ayya hoga! Just went on hahahhehehe for almost one hr…then in the next 45 minutes or so, his laughter gradually evaporated, there was just a grin, then he wore a somber look. Another 45 minutes saw his eyes filling up gingerly…this time around he did have to slice an onion..it just welled up or was it his heart that was welling up with emotions, with a feeling of sth…and the eyes only mirrored it??
Was it a movie? No. deepu wont budge. It wasn’t a movie for him, but sth more than that. He had studied art represents life. And it cant be vice versa, right? Art is not arts sake!
Rang De Basanti ! agreed very late to watch, he was told to sit down for it some 6 months ago by a friend of his. When finally he decided to do it, he knew, if he hadn’t he would have missed out sth that would make your heart beat faster and then take a skip a few times. He was completely caught up in the web of emotional grip… The last time a movie made him feel kind a same was 3 years back wen he watched Legend of Bagath Sigh. Prior to that it was Kalapani. Why such movies move him so deeply, even to the extend of tears? Patriotism? Indianess? No. he doesn’t belive in such things. His blood doesn’t boil coz is an Indian, he doesn’t feel up in the air coz he is one. But he feels so coz he is a human being with emotions and sentiments. His blood boils at the sight of human suppression and he feels the sting at human suffering at the hands of humanimals. have missed out sth that would make your heart beat faster and then take a skip a few times. He was completely caught up in the web of emotional grip… The last time a movie made him feel kind a same was 3 years back wen he watched Legend of Bagath Sigh. Prior to that it was Kalapani. Why such movies move him so deeply, even to the extend of tears? Patriotism? Indianess? No. he doesn’t believe in such things. His blood doesn’t boil coz is an Indian, he doesn’t feel up in the air coz he is one. But he feels so coz he is a human being with emotions and sentiments. His blood boils at the sight of human suppression and he feels the sting at human suffering in the hands of humanimals. Even if a movie of similar sort whose plot had been set in Italy, Germany or France or any of the African countries, he would have had the same intense feelings of empathy. Having been a student of history, he got to know quite a bit about all these countries. The struggles, suffering, hardships, which they endured to see themselves liberated from alien hands, from suppression and inhumanness. Rang De Basanti !! have you and I been given that? Are we really enjoying freedom? Deepu loves to be a citizen of the earth that has no bounties; bounties of religion, region, faith, cast, creed and the endless list of such nonsense. Yes, sounds as good and ideal as Plato’s ‘World of Idea’.
A dream that can be cherished A dream that can be attained A dream that can be given life …is worth it… Rang De Basanti…   11月22日 What do you do when you receiveA giggle or a sigh A frown or a smile A prayer or a curse A cheerful face or a long one A grinning lips or a pouting lips A ‘god bless you ’ or a ‘ go to hell ’ A ‘ you’ re a failure or a ‘ keep it up ' A slamming door or a wide-opened one An ‘ it’s ok c’mon ’ or a ‘get lost, you idiot’ A few drops of tears on your shoulders or a deceptive smirk A few moments of silence when you needed it most or an array of empty words Our reaction to these makes or mars our lives and infuses in us either fury or serenity. If only we had the courage to tell ourselves ‘I am not what I am called by’ If only we had the courage to tell ourselves all that we liked to be heard
11月20日 Does this mean life??Aren’t you and I, human beings, use and throw products? As long as we are in a working condition we are useful, everybodt will love us and want every bit and pices of us. Else, when we become good for nothing, when we are not able to stand upto the expectations of the other, we become useless as hell, good enough to be avoided. The hire and fire system of America. All of us are being made use of by others around us. So are we. We make use of others with us. Exploit them for our use. However, it is all done unconsciously, as coolly as we do anything and not much thought is given to it.
But, human life wont be possible if such a set up is not made available. Irrevocable laws of nature that no man or woman can rewrite. At the end we are all thrown aside. Get dissolved, disintegrated. no one even thinks about us after a few decades. Some say, we become part of history. Is it? It perhaps depends whose history. In an era, the modern, fast track, ever-evolving world, where everything is judged n evaluated. We give and take meticulously, tightfistedly. We become calculative and ‘mind’-ful. Anyway out? Certitude becomes full of possibilities. And vice-versa. LOVE? A human emotion? No. not deepu. This is much more than that, much deeper than that. What does xactly this word implies? Dont you think there is much more into it that human beings cant solve?    11月18日 Communicate...Went to bed very late night yesterday, by 1.45 in fact ,deepu had only a nap at night as he had to wake up as usual by 5.20..though his eyes closed, was sluggish, he thanked his creator for the new birth, new morning. Until the cold water was sprinkling down from the shower his eyes remained half closed…..then gradually he went ahead with his chores….but he felt damn good after the siesta…two hrs…that was great. Then some running behind his rabbits and some games….and now he is fully charged up for the ‘day’…..
The wind that murmurs  The trees, plants that dance  The birds in constant chirping The Moon revolving around The stars that twinkles The animals that move about The streams that splashing down  Pattering rain, hooting birds, squeaking animals, magnificent rainbows, chilling breeze…the entire creation is buzzing with joyful activates. It is in constant communication. Never does it remain in the gloominess, dreariness. Boredom and monotonous never diminish the splendor of nature. How about you? How far are you in communication? In communion with others, nature, God and perhaps more importantly and basically with oneself is what counts the most. Don’t you think so? For deepu it has been so. Unless he is in communion with himself, it is gonna be terrific.
When was the last time you stood in front of a mirror looking at your reflection? Wat were the thoughts passing thru ur mind? Wat was ur feeling? Are you able to talk to urself looking at urself in the mirror? Have you ever wished yourself a ‘hi’ or ‘good morning’ or a ‘hey, you look cool yaar’. Well, in fact if this is not that case deepu wonders if this WORLD COMMUNICATION DAY will have any meaning for you !!
The secret of living a happy, peaceful and serene life consists in giving cheerfully, accepting willingly, getting along with patiently. “How wonderful it is, how pleasant it is, for God’s people to love together in harmony”(Ps 133:1)
WORLD COMMUNICATION DAY
becomes meaningful when there is:Listening and accepting Openness, sensitivity and availability Understanding and respecting Forgiving and fraternity Kindness, sympathy and concern. If not what will be happening be mere rash talk, sham n pretence. Maxwell Maltz says, “The problem of loneliness is not one of being alone; it is one of feeling alone, feeling cut off from others, that other people are walking around in a world alien to oneself.” Loving God and believing in His everlasting love you and I set off the fire of love around the world. Go go go go go to communicate love, not expecting love in return give, not expecting to get back smile, not expecting a smile back…    
11月17日 is it this they call love...???/An unusually warm feeling,
Joy and celebration all over, Buds n flowers everywhere, As if the spring has kissed them all. Everybody wears a gentle smile, Time scrawls inch by inch. The fervor n expectation reach the peak. Rose …….rose ….rose The thrill n enthusiasm to offer it, Adoringly in the hands of the beloved. The ecstasy of the one receiving. Those rapturous moments of, Passionate encounter of eyes. Fingers entangled in one another’s gentle clasp. The adoringly enchanting belle, Her free falling hair, sensual eyes, Passionate lips, rose cheek, The innocent shy playing across the face, A charming blush that flashed, Throbbing bosom filled with longing. Seconds..minutes…houres… Time has lost its meaning. Fully lost and sunk in the depth! The depth of each others presence.. ‘Sweet Nothings’…..‘Sweet Nothings’ should deepu go on? Now it s all up to you who are far more experienced to let ur imagination fly high. In matters such as this, it s not good to purely depend on imagination, right? Haa there will come a time when he will be able to give the master strokes in mutlicolors on the canvas…until then…..
 11月16日 life is aboutLife is not all about making noise,
Its about how you can keep silence
Life is not all about seeking beautiful things,
Its about making what you have got beautiful.
Life is not all about making money and being at the top,
Its about stooping down from the top.
Life is not all about preaching what you think,
Its about practicing before you preach.
Life is not all about thinking about your loved ones,
Its about spending time with them in need.
Life is not all about preaching about poor and impoverished,
Its about feeling one with them, being one with them.
Life is not all about demanding for your rights,
Its about doing your duties.
Life is not all about wants,
Its about your needs.
Life is not all about praying for others,
Its about doing something for them.
Life is not all about laughing always,
Its about moments of weeping too.
Life is not all about buts and ifs,
Its about ‘is’.
Life is not all about conquering heights and soaring high,
Its about sitting down, thanking god for everything.
Life is not all about hustle and bustle,
Its about being alone with the Alone.
Life is not all about reading such messages,
Its about translating the same in to life.
but right now what life demands of Deepu is to get of here and go and feed his poor, hungry rabbits. And they will love to play with him, jump up n down n all over him…very funy things. The way they rub their face after a meal. They usually have rice, chapti and curry. Small ones of course are OOOoooohhh sweeeet ones…bit cold outside…not feeling to get out a here….hmmm
11月15日 run baby...Deepu is doing sth unbecoming of him. Sth that he has almost never done in the past! Going thro a book for a second time. That too a novel. Bye the way, he is not quite a novel enthusiast, but good literature surely pulls him bak for a while and makes him savor the taste of it. Writes like Arundati Roy, Khushwan sigh, Dan brown, Naipaul, Agatha Christy sometimes are irritable.
But nicky cruz’s ‘Run Baby Run’?? obiviously a touching, you-will-sigh-at least-once kind of book, but he had no intention of re-reading it wen he read it some years bak. But wen a professor proposes that all need to attend classes and take xam at the end, but can read a novel and give a summery of the same and a critical analysis, how can deepu let go of this opportunity? Deepu wouldn’t like to attend the classes esp wen it is at an odd time, 3-4 in the evening. That’s the time he relishes his siesta. He prefers sleeping during the day. So for few days deepu is on the run with nicky. Run baby run! 11月14日 tempting meeefeeling much better now, though not fully his real self, it s good enogh to be moving around freely....
Given the temperament and temptation of young deepu, who used to be on rampage everyday, keeping everybody in the locality o the toes, it is surprising that he is a lot more composed and in control and a different person altogether. Else, each time he heard those soft whispers from up there, he would have been on his feet trying to find out what s going on. To peep thru and have a hoooo time. Had he got a camera, he would have grabbed that too to snap some chirpy snaps…
Why do they take so much time to come out? Deepu is in fact losing his patience to see how they look. Young couple though they are, they are now parents of 2 or 3 or who knows!! That’s what is deepu is curious about… Deepu can be a little nosy, eh? Should he venture into the privacy of their…mmmm…whatever…or should he wait? What do you feel? He wonders wen all those chicks will wrap themselves in colorful attires, will flutter those tiny wings, will wave good bye to him.
Deepu’s window pans and frames have gathered dust all over..full of dry leaves. He hasn’t done any cleaning ever since his flying, chirping padosans occupied and made their dwelling there….how long now???
 11月12日 Half dead or half alive?Feel as if the head is a very heavy thing to have, slight head ache. Feeling feverish. Slight body pain. Feeling bit haa and bit naa. Aand you know deepu cant see anything once it is night. He cant move around once he seated! He feels paralyzed like once in the bed! He shivers when he stands in the shower! And once asleep, he doesn’t feel anything! oops. Sounds as though sth very bad is to befall. Don’t you think? And this is a time of all kinds of deadly diseases. Poor deepu.
See, already his eyes are welling up.. and I wonder why on earth he is still sitting up here.
it s better that he goes and takes some rest , ha?
 11月10日 great weekend....He somehow loves Fridays early from his childhood. Could bcoze of the double holidays ahead or coz he play lot, or there was no fear being late anywhere…even now, friday gives him reason to smile…when he reached college another good news: first two hrs are freeeee. Went to library, issued a book you know, today he had the heaviest of breakfasts. Mmm. gulping down four dosas at one sitting may not be a big deal for you! But not for deepu. Which means on set of winter has begun to play tricks on him.
A three years of break from chilly climate to a sultry climate in Vijayawada has altered his bodily chemistry. And he has already bought a Pond’s cold cream. He never likes to smear his face with anything, but the climate has different plans for him…so is his parched and slightly uncomfortable throat. It s already three days he s been going around making rmrmrr noise…
Haaaa now a coupl of days kushi kushi…after that gum gum…that’s why he doesn’t like Monday… but as for now..hureeee.. 11月9日 almost thru..!!Deepu wouldn’t have felt so down, flat and frustrated if it was a genuine dream uncontaminated with ambition and expectation to see him as ‘someone’. ..but it was not so. The very people who suppose to understand and stand by him make all the hue and cry. He has always believed that parents- esp moms- are possessively loving people. Moms who read this might be up in arms against Deepu now (reality bites, ha?)
Not success that Deepu looks for, but self-fulfillment. Going up in the ladder of success takes one away from the real world, the world of naked, raw realities, where human beings of flesh and blood swat it out to make a day’s end, their physical, emotional, spiritual wounds..being ambitious would take you places, but for Deepu that would make him lose sight of self-actualization. Even love is conditional, though they speak about unconditional love. It is serving others instinctively that is unconditional. The raging, furious waves of the sea dashing against the rocks at the shore, leaves lasting imprints. The thunderstorms and lightening do not go on and on. There would come a time when the hopeful rays of the sun obliterate the last trace of destruction sown by the disaster… Well, Deepu has been in the rough waters last few days, struggling and striving against all the odds. Tossed up and down and shaken completely though, he knows fully well that there is a time for everything and this too shall pass away. The horizon emerging in the distance once again fills him with courage and hope. Hoooo quite hazy, crammed and haaaa#$@#$@, eh? That’s how it was for the last few days…..
 11月7日 lostttttt ...?!@Unsteady that I was unable to go on
Flattered, stumbled time and again Doesn’t the sun any more light up the day? Or have I lost the light of my eye? Struggled to my feet, rubbed my eyes, I gazed ahead. What did I see? Void! In the light I saw darkness clearly. Groping ahead like a blind man Or was I one? Has the wind stopped murmuring forever? Or have I been thrown to a deaf world? Whats happening to me? Why am I loosing sight of my goals? Am I distracted or disillusioned? Or is it a turning point and time to take a diversion? Most Sacred One, Abode of Love, let me drink the drops of everlasting life-giving nectar of love….
Be my shepherd to lead me out of this desert…
 11月5日 cryeeeeNow it s no more a question of whether or not, but when. Looks as though time has arrived! whats imminent is unavoidable! The brimming tears…welling…welling…in the eye have gracefully, slowly and now profusely begun to stream down the cheek. Warm, pearly drops rolling down deepu’s cheek would have moved anybody, but not these guys around here. Napkins after napkins got smeared, drenched. His nose is now rosy and head beginning to ache. He at last decided, enough is enough. Tears flowing down your cheek does not mean you are crying, right? Not for deepu, especially when he sits down to slice those fleshy onions!!! one wonders how women are so comfortabl at these?!! bye the way, deepu is not that bad a cook. In fact, he began his xploits in the kitchen at the age of 10, when he prepared a fruit salad ( or thats wat he called it) certainly his mom was thrilled ( and started chasing after him). but now!!haaa. now deepu can do a lot! Egg omelet, boil, tea, coffee, chapatti, a couple of subji. That’s quite long a list, eh? But onions are worth its money. Make him cry just like that…., poor thing, perhaps it doesn’t have anybody else to cry for..!!
11月3日 haaa!!!Deepu is now bak to business. It s all over again classess, lectures, assignments, seminars, obiviously followed by xams..hmmm but there is one thing that deepu likes about it all. The library where he loves to spend his time… Yes, classes resumed yesterday without much ado after the dewali break . As you can imagine, it s not an easy task to get bak to that listening mode after a ll that yummm time. Of course, the first hour, new lecturer, new topic. Deepu saw him coming to the class, introducing himself, turning on his laptop, adjusting the projecter….and the rest, even history couldn’t catch. It all went blank for him. Araam se gaya to his fav nothingness.zzzz Hope Monday will be still better..eh? 11月2日 lovely lady by the side of the sea
Hand in hand, I walked along the sea With the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen When the waves lashed against our feet, Her soft giggles became sweet. Never did I know her name, Now did I know whence she came. Her deep blue beautiful eyes, Reflected the vast sea in front of us. Depth of her heart was unfathomable, That made her soothingly lovable. The waves in her heart are larger Than the sea has down there. Each wave upon me soaked me, In understanding, acceptance and care
|
The abode of unconsciousness. But today it was better. He was in semi-consciousness. 
|
|
